Why being assertive is an essential skill for a woman in business
By Antoinette Dale Henderson, interesting insights about how to be effective as a woman in business.
Knowing how to be assertive is the secret to powerful communication and the key to getting what we want and deserve. Assertiveness is being prepared to stick your neck out, speak the unspeakable and walk knowingly into conflict. It’s using your mind, body and voice to command the spotlight and confidently stand up for what you believe. It’s about getting comfortable with the whole spectrum of emotions, harnessing palatable emotions like love, kindness and compassion, as well as consciously expressing the more challenging ones like frustration, anger and passion.
Essential skills for a woman in business
Assertive behaviour is honest, direct, clear, expressive, self-enhancing, persistent and respectful. It’s not about shouting loudly, being overbearing, bossy or pushy (a common misconception) – it’s about knowing where the line is and calling out anyone who crosses it.
When we’re assertive, we fulfil our inner promise and live fully in the world.
Why do we need assertiveness?
Although we all appreciate the benefits of being assertive, many women find expressing themselves assertively a challenge. The reason is complicated. Women are hard-wired to avoid saying ‘no’. We hate being ‘difficult’ and want everything to run smoothly with no raised voices or uncomfortable silences. We’re conditioned to look after everyone, make everything OK and not make a fuss.
Recently, a client shared a presentation with me that she was about to give to 500 sales managers. The latest finance figures weren’t great, she said, “So I’ll quickly flash up the slide showing where we’re in the red, then we’ll move onto the solution.” But I said no. “Show them the slide and leave it up there. You need to be OK with the uncomfortableness that part of the blame lies on your audience’s shoulders – just state it and be OK with it. That’s professional and respectful and not trying to hide away from the facts. It’s being assertive. And from there you work together to sort the situation out.”
How to become more assertive
Becoming assertive and feeling comfortable with it means making friends with the more difficult emotions. Knowing how to channel them appropriately makes us assertive and brings us respect. Here are five strategies, taken from the Assertiveness chapter of my book, Power Up:
- Take the lead: assertiveness is an act of leadership, so give yourself permission to go first, rather than waiting for someone else to step in or give you the green light. Research shows that we tend to say ‘yes’ or follow the person who states their position first, so take the initiative and share your views and then invite others to do the same.
- Don’t overthink it: because many women are perfectionists, we often feel like we need to know everything about a subject before we can say anything. Assertiveness is being OK with what you know and what you don’t, and not allowing the latter to stop you stating the former. In these cases, I would encourage you to trust your knowledge and intuition and speak.
- Use your body: the way we take up space with our bodies says so much about our self-belief and our place in the world. With open body language, you can convey subliminal messages of confidence and ease; with closed body language you can shut people off, appearing at one extreme timid and at the other arrogant. A great tip, where possible, is simply to stand up as this immediately builds psychological strength.
Having a symmetrical posture will convey power and solidity; putting your weight on one hip, crossing your legs or slouching will give the impression of imbalance or sloppiness. When seated, position yourself squarely on the chair. To counter people encroaching your space, avoid folding your arms and instead imagine a box laid out on the table in front of you and place your arms on either side of it.
- Use your voice: your ability to communicate assertively will be greatly enhanced when you engage the power of your breath and voice. Our bodies are designed to make noise, with sound resonating from our lungs, vocal cords, chest, mouth, tongue, teeth and lips. This is not about shouting, which the most impactful communicators avoid. Just taking a breath and filling your lungs with air before you speak will give you the ‘fuel’ to put your point across and the capacity to increase your volume.
- Choose your words: take care not to detract from your message with fillers such as ‘sort of’, ‘you know what I mean’ or ‘I guess’; disqualifiers like, ‘I’m not sure if this is right but…’ or ‘does that make sense?’; or verbal ticks like ‘ummm’, ‘urrr’ ‘so’ or ‘like’. These often creep in when you’re nervous, unclear or searching for the next thing to say, but can easily become a habit. They convey a lack of confidence and can be hugely distracting.
Assertiveness is very much about what you choose to say – and not say. If you have a tendency to precede every point with a negative preamble, like ‘I’m not sure if this is a good idea, but…’, do everything to kill this habit. Keep your points succinct and avoid over-explaining – less is more.
Antoinette Dale Henderson is a women’s leadership expert and the author of Power Up: The smart woman’s guide to unleashing her potential. To find out more go to: https://gravitasprogramme.com/power-up/
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